


Five Times Kageyama Lied and One Time He Didn't

by teamfreetitan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5 Things, 5 Times, 5+1 Things, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkwardness, Closeted Character, Cuddling & Snuggling, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 18:37:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7065556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teamfreetitan/pseuds/teamfreetitan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kageyama feels like the whole world is against him, Hinata knows the secret, Suga just wants to help.</p><p>(Kageyama is closeted, everyone knows, and he just can't bring himself to be honest.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Times Kageyama Lied and One Time He Didn't

i.

Kageyama stared at his reflection in the mirror of the locker room. Smudged black permanent marker stained his forehead where it wasn’t red and raw from viciously scrubbing at it with his hands. His cheekbone had a new, large, blatant bruise forming that went up to his brow bone. Tears formed in his eyes. He looked away from the mirror, unable to bare his reflection. 

The door to the locker room opened. “Kageyama?” a familiar voice called out for him. Kageyama slammed the tap off and held both hands up to his face, hiding what his hair didn’t. 

“What do you want, Hinata?” he shouted back aggressively. 

“We’ve been waiting for you for, like, fifteen minutes. Daichi sent me to look for you.” Hinata found Kageyama, bent over the sink, hiding his face, and looked at him quizzically. “Are you alright, Kageyama?” he asked. After a few seconds of deafening silence, he asked, “Are you crying?” 

Kageyama kept his hands over his face. “No,” the setter lied. Hinata could see tears on his chin. 

Hinata stepped forward, yanking on one of Kageyama’s arms. The taller boy stumbled back, the arm Hinata had tugged at falling away. He pressed his back against the wall. Kageyama covered as much of his face as he could with his other hand, but not before Hinata caught sight of the bruise on his cheek and writing on his forehead. 

Okama. (1)

“Stop staring, dumbass!” Kageyama snapped, sinking onto the floor, hands over his face. He looked like he was crying, his shoulders shaking, but he wasn’t making a sound. 

Hinata only stared. 

“You guys are all pretty tired after practice. You should go walk home with the team - tell ‘em I left on my own or something. I - I wouldn’t want to hold you guys up from getting to dinner on time,” Kageyama said in defeat. 

“I’ll tell the others you and I are walking home together today, okay? I’m not going to leave you alone like this.” Hinata rushed towards the door.

“Hinata?”

“Yes, Kageyama?”

“Are you coming back?”

“Of course.”

Kageyama stayed on the tile floor a little longer, finally standing up to wipe his tears properly. It was bad enough Hinata had to see him with something like that written on his forehead, with the nasty bruise, but crying? Kageyama didn’t want to embarrass himself anymore. 

He couldn’t believe he could have been that stupid in the first place. 

God, he knew something bad was going to happen. But Kageyama didn’t know how to deal with emotions. Give him a volleyball, fine. Give him crushes and confusion and repression, not so fine. 

It wasn’t like he could tell anyone how he felt, so, like a stupid schoolgirl, he settled for writing his name over and over again on his paper. It was only math, anyways. Daydreaming about him was more important, anyways. 

The kid behind him, some guy he rarely spoke to, leaned over his shoulder, reading his notes, probably to copy his answers. Instead of seeing answers, he saw the boy’s name written over and over. The guy snickered, flicked Kageyama in the back of the head, and whispered, “Okama.”

Kageyama whipped around. “I’m not - I’m not a - I’m not.”

The kid didn’t listen. 

And then, after practice, they were all going to walk together, and Kageyama told them to go ahead - he was going to lock up the gym for the evening. It was almost sunset and everyone was looking forward to going home for dinner after a long, tiring practice at the end of a long, tiring week. 

The others were waiting for him at the front of the school. They didn’t really mind, it just meant a few more minutes to hang out. Kageyama was fumbling with the keys when a hand slithered around him, covering his mouth. 

By the time the guy who sat behind him and his two friends were done, he had scrapes and bruises covering his body, the borderline black eye, and Sharpie marker on his forehead. He didn’t want to keep the others waiting, but it would have been even more degrading to go out there like that. So Kageyama hightailed it back inside and started scrubbing at his forehead, leaving it red and raw and all too legible. 

Kageyama stood from the ground, moving instead to the bench, hanging his head. He heard the door open and Hinata return. Kageyama didn’t look up as he heard Hinata drop the volleyball bag on the ground and start running water. He only looked up when Hinata’s finger hooked under his chin, tilted his face up, and pushed back his hair to start scrubbing at his face with a warm, wet towel. 

“I’m not gay,” Kageyama said quietly, more to himself than to Hinata. 

“It wouldn’t matter to any of us if you were,” Hinata responded, scrubbing Kageyama’s forehead with the towel. Slowly but surely, the ink was coming off and staining the white towel in Hinata’s hand. 

Kageyama’s eyes got a little wide. “It wouldn’t?”

“Kageyama, do you really think anyone on the team would treat you any differently if you liked boys? That you wouldn’t be our setter, or our friend, over something so dumb?”

“I don’t know,” Kageyama whispered back. 

“You’re an idiot,” Hinata said, standing up. Kageyama glanced over his friend’s shoulder to look in the mirror. His forehead was even more red and raw than before, but most of the marker was gone - at least enough to be illegible. The bruise was nasty, though; his parents and teammates would have a fit when they saw it. He’d need to come up with some stupid excuse. 

He followed Hinata out of the locker room, out of the gym, and leaned against the wall as Hinata locked up the gym, tossing Kageyama the keys. “You okay?” Kageyama nodded. 

Hinata walked home with the setter. The sun was setting and they were both already late for dinner anyway; a few more minutes wouldn’t matter. Besides, Hinata felt bad for not being there when Kageyama got beat up. He should have been there to protect him, but he’d gone ahead with the rest of the team. Even if someone his size couldn’t ward off Kageyama’s attacker (attackers? Kageyama hadn’t been very clear on who beat him up) he could have helped. 

When Kageyama came home, he insisted he wasn’t hungry. (“I ate after practice. Sorry for not letting you know.”) He kept his head bowed as he rushed to his room, hiding the black eye. (“I’m just tired; we had a long practice.”) 

He threw himself onto his bed in the dark room. Kageyama didn’t even bother the change his clothes. He kicked off his shoes, threw his bag on the ground, and pulled the blanket up over her head. I’m not going to cry, he told himself. 

At least he got beat up instead of Hinata. At least he had been locking up the gym by himself. He could only imagine if he and Hinata had both gotten jumped, or, even worse, if Hinata had been closing up by himself and gotten jumped. Imagine that - Hinata getting jumped, beat up, such filthy slurs written on him, by kids he hardly knew, and for what, he’d wonder. Kageyama wouldn’t have been able to swallow his pride to say They saw me writing your name on my paper and made assumptions; it’s my fault. 

I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry. Kageyama touched his face tentatively. His cheek hurt to the touch, the skin tender. He rolled over, pressing his face into the pillows beneath him. He did cry - not audibly, not a lot, not for long - but he did. 

Would any of the others care if he liked boys? Probably not, he thought, but… still. It was embarrassing. He’d gotten beat up because of it. And what if they found out he liked Hinata of all people? What would they think then? What would Hinata think?

Kageyama didn’t want to know. 

ii.

Hinata told Kageyama that no one would care if he was gay. The team would still accept him; he would still accept him. But… it was still hard not to feel like an outcast, even in his own team. 

It wasn’t like last time. He still was a team member. His teammates, especially Hinata, would do their best to hit every one of his spikes. His team members looked up to him, and didn’t turn their backs on him. He was a team member. 

Yet, something twisted inside of him when he was reminded of how different he was. The way some of the other boys would gawk over girls. The way one would make an offhand comment about one to Kageyama and he would only quietly nod and agree. It made his stomach churn.

It was Friday when Kageyama was pushed to the edge. It had been a couple weeks since the incident; the bruise was off his cheek. Practice was running late, and between a full school week and practice, everyone was exhausted and starving. The others had started to clean up and get ready to go, but Hinata pleaded, “One more, Kageyama! Please!” That was five spikes ago.

“Hinata, Kageyama, you two should wrap it up. It’s getting late,” Suga said from the sidelines. 

“One more, and then we’ll be done!” Hinata yelled back, tossing the ball to Kageyama. Kageyama caught it and absentmindedly threw it to Hinata to pass. It was a perfect pass, really. The middle blocker was getting the hang of receiving. It was right on top of Kageyama’s head, and it would have made for the perfect set. But, it bounced off of Kageyama’s head, falling onto the floor, almost tripping Hinata when he landed from his jump. He was looking from his hand, to Kageyama, to the ball rolling on the court in confusion. Kageyama wasn’t paying attention to him.

The setter stared at Tanaka and Nishinoya. He’d been too busy eavesdropping (Overhearing, he would later insist) to focus on the ball. 

“Y’know,” Nishinoya said loudly after their managers had gone, not five minutes before. Kiyoko and Hitoka had come to watch them practice - they had a tournament coming up. “Kiyoko sure is a blessing, huh, Tanaka?”

“Yeah!” Tanaka yelled back. “Anyone who doesn’t think a girl like her is attractive must be a freak. I mean, how could you not think she’s hot?”

Kageyama glared at them for a few seconds. There is was again - the reminder that he was different, or, as Tanaka would put it, a freak. He could feel the rest of the team, halfway through cleaning up, staring at him. He felt Hinata’s eyes the most. He shoved past Hinata, muttering a quick apology for missing the set, grabbed his volleyball bag, and ran out of the gym, not even bothering to change out of his volleyball shoes. 

“Damn it, damn it, damn it,” he whispered to himself when he was outside. Certainly everyone knew now. Even if not everyone knew, Hinata would, though. There’s no way that Hinata wouldn’t make the correlation between when he got beat up two weeks ago and tonight. Everyone had heard what Tanaka and Nishinoya had said. Even an dumbass like Hinata would be able to put two and two together. 

When he was asked about the two panicked voicemails from Suga (“Kageyama, are you okay? You left quite suddenly.” “You can tell us if something’s troubling you, Kageyama.”), the three confused ones from Hinata (“Was it something I did?” “Was it… what Tanaka said?” “Please answer, Kageyama. No one’s gonna think you’re a freak.”), and the one apologetic one from Nishinoya (“No one thinks you’re a freak, Kageyama. I mean, I’m bi, and no one thinks of me any differently. If something like that’s going on, you can just tell us.”) that he didn’t respond to all weekend, well, it was easier to insist that he lost his phone, even if the last one helped, just a little bit. 

iii.

It was Kageyama’s birthday, and almost Christmas, so his family had family over for the better part of the week. Because it was, after all, Kageyama’s birthday, and he had been and would continue to be swamped by family, his mom said he could “invite some of his volleyball friends over.” Hinata was at his door fifteen minutes later, bearing a birthday gift. 

The two didn’t hang out outside of school or practice really, but Kageyama, admittedly, wanted to change that. Hinata was his best friend (among other things) after all. 

Because of the family visiting, Kageyama had to share his room with his little cousin, Aiko, a fourteen year old girl. Aiko’s parents, his mother’s sister and brother-in-law, were staying in the guest room. Aiko sat in the corner, headphones in, watching some show on her phone. 

Kageyama was laying down, setting one of his volleyballs to himself. Hinata sat cross legged next to him, holding his other volleyball. They were bickering over something stupid, as they usually did, when Kageyama’s dad came in. 

“Just checkin’ on you kids,” he said. “What’s up?”

“Just hanging out,” Kageyama said, catching the ball and holding it against his chest.

“Just watching anime,” Aiko, who had taken her headphones off, said. She, being the talkative blabbermouth that she was, started into some long spiel about the plot; some guy was trying to get this girl to date him but she wouldn’t so he tried to make her jealous by dating her brother and-

“You’re watching an anime about a guy dating another guy?” Kageyama’s dad asked, cutting her off.

“Well, technically, yes-”

“You really shouldn’t watch stuff like that,” Hinata stared at his friend’s father as he spoke, and glanced at Kageyama, who stared blankly at the ceiling. “Or interact with people like that. It does bad things to your development.”

“What about Tobio?” Aiko asked. Kageyama felt everyone’s eyes on him. 

“I’m not-” he sputtered at the same time as his father boomed, “No son of mine would be an okama.” 

“I think I heard mom calling for you, dad,” Kageyama said quickly.

“Right,” his father said, leaving and closing the door behind him. 

“What the hell gave you that idea?!” Kageyama yelled when his father was gone, sitting up and throwing the volleyball at Aiko’s head with frightening velocity and accuracy. His face was scrunched up and raging and scarier than Hinata had ever experienced. 

She shrugged. “It’s kind of obvious, especially after reading that paper.”

“What paper?” Kageyama shouted, looking slightly concerned.

Aiko pulled a paper off the desk she was sitting by, tossing it to Kageyama, who glanced over it. He had to write a paper about someone he cared about for school. Even though most kids chose a parent or family member, Kageyama chose Hinata, because Hinata was kind and determined and passionate and even after pushing his little (alright, huge) crush on Hinata away, he still cared about Hinata deeply. He’d gotten a high score on the paper, one of his highest writing papers all year, and his teacher even wrote at the bottom, “Good job!”

“You seemed really passionate about him,” Aiko said. “I assumed you were dating. You never specified what your relationship to him was.”

“Yes I did,” Kageyama hissed angrily, scooting over on the floor and pointing somewhere on the paper.

“Are you sure that’s all? It seemed a little bit more personal than just volleyball-”

“Shut up!”

“I mean, you mentioned volleyball, like, twice. And no one gets that passionate over a teammate, Tobio. Here, let me read my favorite part…” Aiko flipped to the second page, reading out loud. “‘I once told him he’s invincible as long as I’m here, but it goes both ways. When he’s with me, I can do anything. He brings out the best in me like no one else c-” Kageyama tried to grab the paper, but between his strength and Aiko’s grip, the paper ripped in two.

“My paper! You idiot!” he shouted. He glanced sideways at Hinata, who was sitting in the same position he had been before Kageyama’s dad came in. They made eye contact and Hinata glanced away, face flushed red. The room was eerily quiet; it made Kageyama uneasy.

There was a knock on the door and Kageyama’s father came in once more. “Tobio, your friend’s mom is here to pick him up.” 

Hinata stood up, setting Kageyama’s volleyball on the ground and rushing out, with no more than a muttered, “See you after break, Kageyama.” 

The setter sank onto his back, holding his hands up to his blushing red face. “You idiot!” he shouted. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t get to see the way Hinata’s face lit up as he pulled open the car door and the way that, when his mom asked him how it was, he said, “Really, really good!”

iv.

It was nine in the evening on a Saturday when Hinata’s doorbell rang. He had been sitting in his kitchen, playing a card game with Natsu. Their mom was working a night shift that evening and Hinata had been instructed to supervise Natsu. 

When Hinata opened the door, he saw Kageyama, bent over, hands on his knees, panting. “Kageyama?” he said. “What are you doing here? Did you run all the way here? Are you okay?”

“Can I come in?” he asked, pushing aside all of Hinata’s questions. 

“Sure,” Hinata said, closing the door behind his friend. “Hey, Natsu, we’re gonna need to finish our game tomorrow. I need to go talk to Kageyama and I’ll put you to bed when we’re done, okay?”

“Okay!” she yelled from the kitchen. 

Hinata took Kageyama upstairs to his room. They sat down on the bed and didn’t make eye contact as Kageyama recounted the events leading to his arrival. “I got in a fight with my dad,” he said. “He thought that... that, you know, and he tried to kick me out. My mom wouldn’t let him kick me out, but they sent me to my room, and I left on my own, and I didn’t know where else to go.”

“That’s terrible Kageyama-kun!” Hinata shrieked, understanding what Kageyama was implying and being appalled by it. “My mom would never try to kick Natsu or I out over something like that. You can stay here as long as you need to. I’m sure my mom would be fine with it. She’s working overnight tonight, so you can sleep in her room for the night if you want.”

Kageyama nodded. “I don’t want to go home.”

Hinata got Natsu settled in bed, explaining the situation in a child friendly way. Kageyama heard snippets of the conversation through the wall separating Hinata and Natsu’s rooms. “Something bad happened - Kageyama’s dad got all GWAH when he found out something and got mad at Kageyama so he’s sleeping in Mom’s room tonight, okay?” There was some muffled talking. “Yep. Alright, get some sleep, Natsu.” Hinata came back to his room and dragged Kageyama, who tried to look like he hadn’t been listening, to his mom’s bed. “Get me if you need anything, Kageyama.” 

The setter laid motionless, staring at the ceiling. He’d worked so hard to keep it secret, and after all that effort, Hinata knew, his parents knew, everyone knew. And now his was kicked out (he wasn’t technically kicked out, but more attempted-to-kick-out-and-finally-left-on-his-own) and he felt so vulnerable-

He heard the door open and sat up, seeing a tiny figure slip in and crawl on the bed, hugging him. The same fluffy orange hair, but too small to be Hinata. “Kageyama-san?” Natsu said quietly. 

Kageyama looked down at her. “Natsu?”

“My brother didn’t tell me what happened, but he said it was bad and that you feel like people don’t like you, so you’re staying here and I just wanted to tell you that my brother loves you and he talks about you a lot so if you think people don’t like you my brother does.”

“He.. does?”

“Uh-huh! He says you make him feel all gwah inside when he thinks about you.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah! Well, I need to be sleeping, so I’m going to go to bed. Goodnight, Kageyama-san.” Natsu pulled away from the one-sided hug and crawled off of his bed, closing the door with a soft click when she left.

Great. Now Kageyama really wouldn’t be able to sleep. He laid in the bed, hands hiding his grinning face. He says you make him feel all gwah inside. My brother loves you. He kept replaying Natsu’s words in his mind. Hinata loved him, according to her. His heart was pounding out of his ribcage so hard he could hear it in the silent room. 

He spent so long hiding it, more from Hinata than anyone else. How would Hinata react if he found out his best friend liked him? He remembered thinking to himself months back that it wouldn’t be good. But, after everything that happened, maybe… Maybe Hinata liked him back.

Maybe Hinata loved him back.

After sorting through his thoughts and about a dozen different scenarios involving him and Hinata, he rolled on his side and glanced at the clock. It was nearly midnight, and Kageyama had yet to even think about sleep. 

Kageyama left his friend’s mom’s room and rapped his knuckles on Hinata’s door. After a minute, the shorter boy opened the door, wearing boxers and a too-big t-shirt. “Did I wake you up?” Kageyama asked. 

“Yeah, yeah, but it’s not a big deal. Is everything okay?” 

The taller boy shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Come sit down,” Hinata said with a yawn. Kageyama curled up on his bed and Hinata crawled up a second later. The bed was small, only intended for one person, so it didn’t leave a lot of space for two. They were pressed up against each other and with a minute of shifting, they finally settled on a position where Kageyama was in a near sitting position against Hinata’s headboard with an arm around the smaller boy, whose head was laying on his chest. Kageyama really hoped Hinata couldn’t hear how loudly his heart was beating. 

Hinata brought his hand up, brushing Kageyama’s, which was laying on his chest. He ran his fingers across the smooth skin of long, nimble, setter fingers. “Kageyama?” he said quietly. 

“What?”

“Everyone’s really worried. If something’s bothering you, you should tell us. You can’t spend all your time trying to pretend you’re someone you’re not. You get all bwah and out of it and then expect us not to be concerned when you literally run away from home. You keep hiding yourself but there’s no point because everyone already knows and hiding it is only hurting you and the team. Even Tsukishima has said you might as well just say it. We don’t like seeing you upset.”

“Shouyou?” Kageyama whispered, entwining his fingers with Hinata’s. 

“Y-Yes, Tobio?”

“Thanks.”

v.

“Suga, I need advice.” It was two in the morning when Suga’s phone went off, blasting in his ear, waking him up. The screen said Kageyama, so he slid to answer. There was a reason he left his ringer on when he went to bed, after all. Before he could even ask why on earth Kageyama was calling at such an hour, Kageyama was yelling into the phone about advice. His voice sounded uneven and shaky.

“Is something wrong? What do you need help with?” Suga sat up, rubbing his eyes and yawning. 

“What do I do, Suga? I don’t know what to do.”

“I want to help you, Kageyama, but you need to be a little more specific.”

“I need to tell someone something and it’s really important.”

“Is it Hinata?”

“No!” From the high pitch and rushed answer, Suga could tell that it was most definitely Hinata.

“Alright, alright, don’t get defensive, I believe you-” he didn’t, “-so, you want to tell someone something important?” The line went silent, so Suga took that as a yes.

“First, you have to figure out what you want to say. You need to figure out exactly what you’re going to say if it’s that important so you don’t spend a bunch of time sputtering and trying to word it when the time comes. Second, you just need the courage to tell them.”

“But… what if they don’t feel the same way?”

“Then you learn to live with it. At least you won’t spend a long time caught up on them.”

“But what if they don’t want to be my friend after they find out?”

“Is it worth the risk?”

“I think so.”

“Are you sure this isn’t about Hinata?”

“Yes!”

The phone line went dead. 

vi.

Kageyama stood in front of the team, head bowed, at the end of practice. The team gathered around him. He bit his lip, trying to remember the miniature speech he’d written in his head the previous night. After persistence from Hinata and a couple more short, awkward conversations with Suga (he gave better advice than Kageyama’s own mother) he finally, finally decided he was going to say it.

“I-I’m gay,” he said quietly, his stomach flipping inside of him. He glanced up at Suga and Hinata for reassurance. Hinata gave him a thumbs up and Suga smiled. 

“I just had to come out and be honest about it, because I’ve spent so long trying to hide it and lie about it and you’re my team and you deserve my honesty.”

Nishinoya was the first to react. He grinned and slapped Kageyama on the back. “Took you long enough, huh, Kageyama?” he shouted before hoisting his bag onto his shoulder. 

“Finally,” Tsukishima muttered, leaving with Yamaguchi. 

“We’re proud of you, Kageyama,” Suga said, smiling. 

“Yeah, it’s good you can finally be open about who you are,” Daichi agreed. 

“Y’know, Kageyama, you still have one thing to confess, don’t you?” Tanaka said, smirking, leaning on the setter’s shoulder.

“Shut up!” he yelled, glaring at Tanaka.

“At least now you won’t have to be all bwah anymore when someone mentions it,” Hinata said. Tanaka nudged Kageyama, who straight up smacked the wing spikers arm, emitting a slapping noise.

The team filed out of the gym, the others saying their goodbyes and leaving. Hinata inserted the key into the door and as his back was turned he missed Tanaka’s wink and Suga mouthing the words, “Tell him.” As his back was turned he missed Kageyama wiping his sweaty, nervous palms on his shorts. 

Hinata put the keys in his pocket and turned to leave, skipping. Kageyama reached a hand out, yanking on the middle blocker’s wrist and stopping him. “Hinata, wait.”

“What is it, Kageyama?”

Kageyama stepped closer, but didn’t release his grip on Hinata’s wrist. “Hinata, I-”

“Kageyama?”

“I r-really… like, l-like you.”

Without warning, Hinata grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him down, pressing their mouths together. It wasn’t glamourous - their teeth clanked and Kageyama was pretty sure he bit Hinata’s lip in the second that they kissed, if you could even call it that. 

Kageyama pulled back, leaning in again, slower and in less of a violent flurry. He pressed his lips against the shorter boy’s, putting his hands on either of Hinata’s hips. Hinata wrapped his arms around Kageyama’s neck. They pulled each other as close as they could get.

“Dumbass,” Kageyama whispered when they broke apart, arms still around the smaller boy’s waist.

“But I’m your dumbass, right?”

“...Right.”

**Author's Note:**

> (1) okama = a japanese gay slur
> 
> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, please take a moment to leave kudos, leave a comment, bookmark, etc. 
> 
> Also check out my tumblr; it's teamfreetitan.


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